Best buys- Kids and grief
Whether it be the loss of a pet, parent, grandparent or friend; speaking to children about death can be overwhelming and difficult. Below I have compiled a list of books to help you through this difficult time, as well as some information to help you understand the impact of loss on young children and how best to focus your support.
Click on the pictures to take you to where to purchase each book.
Grief can affect children in the following ways-
Here are some tips to help you support a child who is experiencing grief and loss-
Offer support, reassurance and comfort
Find time to do enjoyable things together
Acknowledge or help them name or identify their feelings
Let them know they are loved and will always be cared for
Assure them that what’s happened is not their fault
Help them create a diary, memory box or special book to remember the person
Maintain normal routines to help them feel secure
Let them know that it’s ok to play, be happy and have fun
Allow them to ask questions and talk about their loss as much as they want to
Encourage them to talk to a caring adult if they feel uneasy talking to you
Provide clear and age appropriate answers to their questions
Keep things as familiar as you can (school, pets and household possessions)
Talk about your feelings and how you’ve been coping with them
Try to include them in decision-making when it directly affects them
Inform the school of what’s happened so they can provide additional support
Tell them that it is ok to be happy when they have a good memory of the person
Help them find ways to express their feelings through play, writing, drawing, music
Encourage them to spend time with friends
Breaking the news about a death to a child is never easy, but it’s important they know and feel heard and supported by you in the process. Here are some tips to help:
Try to be as honest and open as possible about what has happened
Use age-appropriate language so it’s easier for them to understand
Use concrete words – for example, say ‘died’ or ‘death’
Avoid using euphemisms like ‘gone to sleep’ or ‘passed away’
Listen to them - it’s ok not to have all the answers right now
Answer the questions you can in a calm and consistent manner
Be patient – they may need to hear the answers several times to process it
Use storybooks, toys and play to help explain what has happened
Let them know that they can talk to you at any time
Ask another trusted adult to talk to your child if you feel too distressed
Encourage them to express their feelings by sharing your own feelings
Helpful books-
Why Do Things Die?
Animal characters carefully explore and answer difficult questions about death.
A beautiful and gentle look at the circle of life, using Christine Pym's gorgeous animal characters to explore the emotions and facts around death, with questions such as Is it ok to talk about dying? What happens when someone dies? Can I shout and cry and hide away? and How can I stop feeling sad?
The Invisible String
This beautifully written book offers a very simple approach to overcoming loneliness, separation, or loss with an imaginative twist.
Yesterday You Were Here
This touching, carefully sparse picture book for young readers aims to help young people dealing with the loss of a loved one to process and talk about their grief.
The Heart And The Bottle
Once there was a girl whose life was filled with wonder at the world around her…
Then one day something happened that made the girl take her heart and put it in a safe place. However, after that it seemed that the world was emptier than before. But would she know how to get her heart back?
The Memory Box: A Book about Grief
A story of a child who processes the death of a loved one by making a special box of mementos and written memories.
Grandad's Island
At the bottom of Syd’s garden, through the gate and past the tree, is Grandad’s house. Syd can let himself in any time he likes. But one day when Syd comes to call, Grandad isn’t in any of the usual places. He’s in the attic, where he ushers Syd through a door, and the two of them journey to a wild, beautiful island awash in color where Grandad decides he will remain. So Syd hugs Grandad one last time and sets sail for home. Visiting Grandad’s house at the bottom of the garden again, he finds it just the same as it’s always been — except that Grandad isn’t there anymore. Sure to provide comfort to young children struggling to understand loss.
The Goodbye Book
Through the lens of a pet fish who has lost his companion, this book tells a moving story about saying goodbye. Touching upon the host of emotions children experience, the story reminds readers that it's okay not to know all the answers and that someone will always be there to support them. A great one for very young children.
The Grief Wave
The Grief Wave sensitively describes the experience of loss and grief, and offers a range of well-researched techniques to help children develop valuable coping skills, and helps to prepare them to navigate their way through future grief events. Notes to parents and caregivers at the back of the book provide helpful advice and information.
